One of the most puzzling questions I’ve been asked is whether or not I know myself.
I remember a few years ago I was complaining to a friend about some issues I was having in my personal life. After a couple of minutes of listening, my friend simply asked whether I knew who I was and what I wanted. Even though I said ‘yes’ in that moment, it has taken me a while to realize that I don’t.
I’m not trying to make this post too deep or anything, but I’ve come to realize that many of us don’t know ourselves as much as we should.
You see, we tend to walk through life trying to find who we are in others. We try to imitate what our friends do, even if we don’t admit it. We try to find love and feel loved by our significant other, instead of finding it within ourselves. Most of all, we seek validation everywhere we can… whether it is through a ‘like’ on a selfie or a hug from our parents.
The point is, we’re comfortable with letting others decide who we are and what we like just so we don’t have to worry too much about it. The thing is… not knowing ourselves has huge consequences in our life.
The epitome of what I’m talking about is showcased by college students on a daily basis. Let me ask you, how many of your friends have started their college career thinking that they were going to be a doctor just to find out that they hate biology and anatomy? After finding that out, they end up switching to accounting out of the bloom just because most of their friends are in that major. Then, they switch again because they’re no good at math, and so on.
Or, what about your that one couple that’s dating even though they’re complete opposites? Yes, opposites do attract but they usually don’t last when they differ on values, morals and religion. If they truly knew themselves, they wouldn’t be with someone that isn’t what they’re looking for.
I’m not trying to tell you that you don’t know who you are or what you like.
All that I’m trying to say is that we tend to rush into relationships and make certain life decisions that we’re unsure of.
One day, you may think you want a dog, but in reality… you hate taking dog-walks or feeding animals. You know what I’m saying?
I’m a big proponent of taking some time off relationships and distancing yourself from certain friendships for a period of self-discovery. After all, you can’t possibly commit to someone without knowing what you’re looking for. In fact, one of the reasons why I see many of my friends get hurt is because they get involved with a person that’s their complete opposite. They try to make things work, which is very optimistic given that their religion, values and goals are not in-sync.
My advice to you is to take some time to discover yourself – what drives you, what moves you, what makes you want to be a better person… Get to know yourself so well that you won’t need someone else to see your worth. Learn to accept your flaws and applaud your strengths.
Once you’ve gotten to the point where you completely accept yourself, you’ll be ready to love someone else. Until then, devote your energy and your time to yourself. Your happiness depends on self-love, not on someone else’s opinion of you.